What's considered culturally appropriate one year, may be obsolete in five or ten.
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So, '50s parenting practices, like prescribing thalidomide, a medication to treat morning sickness that tragically led to birth defects and deaths in thousands of babies, isn't really a thing we do, as a culture, anymore. Being a woman, and especially a mother, in the '50s was arguably a lot harder than it is today. Prevailing gender stereotypes , undeniable gender inequality, and little-to-no representation of women in the media made women's choices nothing if not miniscule. As a result, most women's lives revolved around keeping a home and raising children, and in a time of less innovation and motorization something as simple as doing the laundry could take all day.
Once you had taken care of the home, children, and made a meal, you were also expected to pretty yourself up before "the man of the house arrived. I don't know about you, but I'm glad times have changed and the following '50s parenting techniques are no longer prevelant:. If you suspected you might be pregnant in the '50s, you had to wait to have it confirmed by a doctor. That's right, at-home pregnancy tests were not available until We thought the 2 week wait was the worst , but moms-to-be back in the day had to go to the bother and possible lack of privacy of attending a doctor's appointment, just to know if they were actually pregnant.
Pregnant women were referred to as "delicate" and "infirm" and were often unnecessarily ordered to remain on bed rest. If they put on more than the recommended amount of weight gain, they would be put on strict, reduced calorie regimen and prescribed diet pills. Diet pills , you guys. During the '50s, birth practices were moving away from unmediated home births and attended by midwives, and towards hospital births overseen by doctors.
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Laboring women of the '50s were often given medication to anesthetize them and, as a result, many passed out for the entire birth. These heavily medicated births were referred to as "twilight sleep births," although it did fall out of "style" after many women reported unpleasant side effects.
And, you know, didn't necessarily like being drugged against their will. Go figure. Mothers of the post war era were told to "train" their young children not to touch special ornaments or dangerous objects, by saying in a clear authoritarian voice, "No, don't touch. Those are mother's things. I just tried that with my toddler and, yeah, it doesn't work. Infant car seats were not introduced until the early sixties , and not legislated until the '80s. So, parents in the '50s routinely had babies rattling around in the back of the car, or seated in a Moses basket on the back seat.
Honestly, just thinking about this gives me panic attacks. It doesn't matter how many times I see an episode of "Call The Midwife," I am always amazed that they would place their babies in large carriages without straps and then leave them outside the front door "to get some fresh air. My mother confirms this was not that unusual until the '80s, when paranoia about child abductions and "stranger danger" made the practice extinct.
Rocking or "jostling" babies was thought to be too much stimulation and, as a result, parents were advised against providing too much motion for their babies. Deborah Gray presents a lot of information about ways that you can promote attachment with your children. It provided a helpful picture o My wife and I are adopting and this was one of the books recommended to us by the adoption agency.
It provided a helpful picture of ways that children might try to avoid attachment and ways to respond. This is definitely a book that we'll refer back to. Jun 13, Marjorie rated it really liked it. So far it seems to have a lot of useful info on helping to build attachment with your adopted child, and the info is organized by the child's emotional development phase, rather than chronological age- which I think is nice since different children can reach different phases of development at very different ages.
Feb 23, Suzanne Chandler rated it it was amazing. If you read one book about Attachment, this should be it. Feb 18, Diana Meredith rated it it was amazing. Incredible book about adoption and attachment! Jul 19, Jennifer rated it liked it Shelves: books , adoption. Lots of helpful information presented in a dry way - definitely wasn't an easy read, but learned much. Feb 22, Vance Gatlin rated it it was amazing. Packed with a lot of useful information, pulling no punches. It is overwhelming what the kids go through though, causing you to pause and think often.
Jan 23, Erica rated it really liked it Recommends it for: Adoptive Parents. Shelves: adoption. This book is a little frightening, to be honest.
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The vignettes are very honest and many are quite sad. However, it does give adoptive parents hope that even in the most extreme cases children can be loved and parented toward healthy attachment. I did not read all of the attachment phases, but only those which will apply to our family. Then I picked up again at Chapter 11 to complete the book. I'm usually not so economical in my reading, but desperate times and all that.
I know this is a book tha This book is a little frightening, to be honest. I know this is a book that I'll use again and again through the years as a resource and guide. I wouldn't recommend it to non adoptive families, though I do believe there are things which every parent can learn by reading this book. It simply isn't a worthwhile resource for the non adoptive families who are unlikely to face attachment issues.
There are some excellent examples of good parenting between these two covers, but good parenting theories, ideas and practical advice can be found in any number of other books. One of my "must read" adoption books. Not one of my "must read" parenting books.
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Jun 28, Katie Kent rated it liked it. I can't really say I "liked" this book because it is filled with horror stories of adoptions gone wrong, or children who have been so adversely affected by their circumstances that it is difficult to see a positive outcome for them. However, it does open a parents' eyes to what children can be exposed to before adoption, what to expect if children have been adversely affected, and how we can help them in a practical and caring way if we find there are problems with attachment. This was a book re I can't really say I "liked" this book because it is filled with horror stories of adoptions gone wrong, or children who have been so adversely affected by their circumstances that it is difficult to see a positive outcome for them.
This was a book recommended by our case worker and I assume many adoptive parents are encouraged to read it - it is one of those books that I hope I will never have use, but will be a helpful resource if we do need it. Shelves: my-personal-geek-out-shelf , I'm not even half way thru and I am gaining so many practical tools from this book.
It's exciting to find a book that can offer so much valuable and specific information to benefit my clients! It actually makes me optimistic. It is also current, which is refreshing and makes me realize how anyone thinks they can write a psych book or self-help book, but few actually accomplish an impressive and useful work. On the negatives, it's terribly written!
I wonder if Gray even had an editor as some of th I'm not even half way thru and I am gaining so many practical tools from this book. I wonder if Gray even had an editor as some of the phrasing is incredibly ackward. Despite this, I think it would be accessible to professionals and lay folks alike. May 28, Colin Bendell rated it it was amazing. This is the quintessential book for future adoptive parents. A must read - though it will only help to academically understand the issues related to attachment and the risk of RAD. A personal note, however, there is nothing that will prepare you for the real challenges of attachment with an adopted child.
The best hope you can have is that some of the the strategies and instruction from Deborah Gray will stay in the back of your mind when in the thick of things. The first year is always the hard This is the quintessential book for future adoptive parents. The first year is always the hardest. Aug 29, Cassandra rated it really liked it Shelves: parenting , nonfiction , adoption. So far this is my second favorite adoption book; Parenting the Hurt Child by Gregory Peck is my favorite. Attaching in Adoption is a rather deep book, one that will require more than one read.
It's not quite as practical as Parenting the Hurt Child but covers more of the "why" behind some children's behavior and attachment difficulties. The two books together give us a great idea of the different issues we could face and some practical suggestions for how to start off on the right foot. Dec 27, Dori rated it it was amazing. My husband and I are planning to adopt internationally and I found Deborah D. Gray's book "Attaching in Adoption" to be a wonderful resource!
It's very informative and honest on the topic of attachment. Gray's text covers each stage of the child's attachment from birth up to the end of the teen years. I love how the author includes tasks that are key for each stage and also includes real life case scenarios of children in each of the different stages. We will be buying this one to keep as a pare My husband and I are planning to adopt internationally and I found Deborah D. We will be buying this one to keep as a parenting reference!
Jul 29, Rivkah rated it it was amazing Shelves: adoption. This book provides a good overview of what to expect regarding attachment during each childhood development stage. This should be required reading for every social worker, foster parent and adoptive parent. You will refer to this book repeatedly while raising your children.
I just wish that the social workers that I was working with while I was a foster parent had read this book. It would have helped everyone involved tremendously. Sep 30, Jennifer Bryson rated it really liked it. It is well-researched, supportive, and a great reminder that hurt children can heal with the right tools.
Although anecdote heavy, the chapters are easy to navigate and focus on what we as caregivers can do to guide children through tough times. Add this book to your toolkit if you are parenting a child with a difficult background. Oct 21, James Andersen rated it it was amazing. This is a well written, comprehensive 5-star book that covers a multitude of adoptive and foster situations, with its writing purposed to address the variety of relationship issues that present themselves when a child leaves one family to join another.
Foster and adopted children clearly experience relationship heartbreak in ways we could never imagine, and this book makes that clear. Thankfully, the author shows us the way to correct such issues. View 2 comments. Feb 17, Sheri rated it really liked it. This book was a great review of attachment difficulties that children entering adoptive homes face.
It gives a lot of information about different stages of attachment and where children should progress to at each stage. This was helpful information. The emphasis on returning to early childhood activities rocking, etc. I thought that my year-old foster-adopt son wouldn't like things like "little piggy. Jul 20, Beth rated it it was amazing Shelves: adoption-foster-care , parenting , children. Lots of information that is good to have covered before taking an adoptive placement, and definitely a resource to have on hand to reference in specific cases.
She does a great job covering all kinds of adoptive placements foster, international, etc and giving examples which helped keep it from feeling too clinical. Very accessible. Apr 12, Missy Rose rated it really liked it. This was a great general overview of common adoption issues. There are many resources listed throughout and featured in the back of the book. I'll be keeping this copy for future reference. However, I would say that sometimes the language wasn't for the average lay person and seemed aimed at professionals in the adoption field. Jul 01, Jennifer rated it it was amazing Recommends it for: anybody seriously considering adopting.
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Shelves: adoption-parenting. This book was recommended by my adoption counselor. It was fantastic! I highly recommend this book to anyone who is adopting. Gray gives excellent advice on signs to look for of various adoption issues, there are helpful vignettes, and practical advice on how to address various issues. I finished this book feeling better informed and prepared for adoption. Jul 01, Apzmarshl rated it it was amazing. Compelling, honest, helpful, and hopeful.
This book helped me travel back through the stages of attachment and see where my child was disrupted during foster care and adoption in his development, attachment, and why his relationships are inappropriate and controlling. This book was honest and raw, if you are considering adoption this is a good book to read. Adoptions are not for the light of heart and neither is this book.